The Philosophers Zone

I work in a Call Centre. But I receive inbound calls only. I refuse to do outbound. Once upon a time before I had much experience I did have to try a telemarketing job and I lasted 2 weeks. I hated it and totally empathized with all the home dwellers who have to be bothered answering these calls.
The other day, I had someone call me from The Toronto Star newspaper. They had a deal for the Saturday paper only being .49c instead of the usual $1.50. I tried to tell the gentleman that I didn't read the paper and I didn't need the t.v. guide due to the fact I have a channel listing all the shows when I care to look. Besides I have my favorite shows and I know when those are all on. He persisted and acted like I didn't even say no. He rattled off all my information to which I agreed was correct. Then he istantly said he was patching me through to the verification department to set up a payment service for me so I could receive my first edition.
Before I had a chance to object, he promptly pushed some buttons and I was listening to music. Thank Goodness! I hung up!
Now, knowing the Call Centre rules as I now have 3 years experience, I know that was not allowed and he was lucky I had the chance to hang up or I could have had his job.
The following article is pefect! I am going to try some of the tips she writes just to see what the effect is. I now am anxiously awaiting a call so I can have some fun!

Work From Home - Fun With Telemarketers
Copyright 2005 Elaine Currie

During the time I have spent working at home, I have
encountered many telemarketers. That's how I found out
about their radar: when I went out to work telemarketers
always rang in the evening while I was trying to cook or
eat dinner, now they ring during the day when I am trying
to work at home.

A joke that arrived in my email made me realise that I am
not alone in being less than fond of telemarketers. (In
fact, they are on my list right up with lawyers and estate
agents.) I'll be sharing a few tips from this joke with
you throughout this article but, if you want to read all 20
of them, you can see them at my website on the same page as
this article.

I can usually identify telemarketers immediately because
they will almost inevitably open with "Good morning, madam.
How are you today?" Nobody but a telemarketer would dream
of ringing a person and addressing her as "madam".
Presumably that is a marketing technique which is supposed
to give the illusion that you are the customer and the
telemarketer is there to serve you but it just gives me the
idea that I should have let the answering machine pick up
this call. The tip for circumventing the whole thing is:-
As soon as you realize it is a Telemarketer, scream "Oh my
God!" and then hang up.

It took me quite a while to get to grips with the constant
annoyance of telemarketing calls. I was brought up to be
polite but I eventually discovered it is impossible to get
rid of telemarketers without resorting to rudeness. I
don't ask these people to ring me up and try to sell me
things I don't want: everything from jigsaw puzzles and
books, through lingerie and cinema tickets to health
insurance and mobility aids. As I (thankfully) am and
always have been fully mobile, I don't understand the
reason for the last one.

Actually, the telemarketer who was offering mobility aids
was a great example of a bad telemarketer. His opening
gambit was "Good morning, madam. I'm from XYZ Company, I
expect you've heard of us?" When I replied "No." his
response was a grumpy-sounding "I can't think why not".
So, did he ring just to point out that I'm ignorant? When
he hurried on with his script and asked me if I have any
difficulty getting in or out of the house, I was tempted to
reply "Only when I'm drunk" but I managed to bite my lip on
that one: "no" is definitely the only safe word to use when
dealing with telemarketers.

A better way of dealing with this type of call is the
following tip:- If they say they're John Doe from XYZ
Company, ask them to spell their name. Then ask them to
spell the company name. Then ask them where it is located,
how long it has been in business, how many people work
there, how they got into this line of work if they are
married, how many kids they have, etc. Continue asking them
personal questions or questions about their company for as
long as necessary.

Alternatively try this tip:- Tell them you are hard of
hearing and that they need to speak up . . . louder . . .
louder . . .

The telemarketers for mobile phone companies are the
thickest skinned and most persistent variety of the species
I have encountered so far. They also tend to have the
strongest accents and I feel mean giving them a hard time
when they are at a disadvantage to begin with. I always
used to answer their questions in the hope that they would
realise that I was not a good prospect for mobile phone
upgrades. When I asked the last mobile phone telemarketer
why he thought I might want to give up my virtually free
phone deal and pay for line rental, he just started over
with his script listing the number of free minutes of air
time they would "give" me. The fact that I would not use
the air time seemed to make no difference, there was
nothing about that in his script and I had to resort to
abrupt termination of the call.

Next time I'll try this tip:- Tell the Telemarketer you are
busy at the moment and ask him/her if he/she will give you
his/her home phone number so you can call him/her back.
When the Telemarketer explains that telemarketers cannot
give out their home numbers say, "I guess you don't want
anyone bothering you at home, right?" The Telemarketer will
agree and you say, "Me either!" Hang up.

The telemarketer who wanted me to switch to a new power
supplier taught me a lot about the telemarketing
profession. The power supply marketers who turn up on my
doorstep, accost me in the supermarket or telephone me,
usually baffle me with figures, blind me with science and
leave me feeling I should sign up with them immediately.
The last one to phone me happened to ring while I was in my
office at home and I had my power bills to hand. The
telemarketer asked me how much I paid each month to my
power supplier and then assured me that he could save me
30% on my bills. I was impressed and asked how he
calculated that figure. He informed me that he had a
"chart". In an effort to finally understand the mysteries
of calculating these savings, I asked the telemarketer to
give me an exact breakdown of the amount his company would
charge for my most recent electricity bill. He said he
couldn't because he was not good at maths. As he had given
me the price per unit, I found it pretty easy to calculate
for myself but I couldn't understand why the cost came out
higher when he had said his company charged 30% less. I'd
barely managed to ask for an explanation when he hung up.
This particular telemarketer taught me that telemarketers
will tell you anything their script requires even if they
don't understand it or know it is a complete lie.

This tip might help:- Tell them to talk very slowly,
because you want to write every word down. Alternatively
this might work:- Insist that the caller is really your
buddy Leon, playing a joke. "Come on, Leon, cut it out!
Seriously, Leon, how's your momma?"

Telemarketers should be treated like children at bedtime:
use a firm tone when saying "no" and do not be drawn into
conversation. I have tried ignoring the "How are you
today" but that just means they launch straight into the
script. Next time I am going to try "I'm so glad you
asked, because no one these days seems to care, and I have
all these problems. My arthritis is acting up, my eyelashes
are sore, my dog just died . . . "

I've tried asking pointedly: "What do you actually want?"
but the reply was "I want to try to save you money" (how
kind considering we are perfect strangers). If only I'd
received the telemarketer joke before this I would have
said "I just filed for bankruptcy and I could sure use some
money".

I've also tried "Are you selling something?" but they never
fall into the trap of answering that one. For days when
I'm not busy and fancy a little fun, I'm keeping a
crossword puzzle on my desk. I'll ask every telemarketer
who calls to help me solve some clues. I've made out a
score card for me -v- telemarketers and I give myself
double points each time I can force a telemarketer to hang
up.

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Elaine Currie has a Work From Home Directory at her Plug-In
Profit Site to help everyone who wants to work at home:
http://www.Huntingvenus.com

Are you a stay at home parent looking to earn some extra income? Come check out this site for cool ideas. Bizymoms.com