I used to hate to ride the subway because people bang you with their bags and don't apologize, they step on your feet as they brush past you to get on the train or bus cutting in line, they talk over you to their friends spitting in your face and not even acknowledging that you are there, or they throw their back pack on the only available seat left and get annoyed when you go to move it so you can sit down.
Those are just a few of the annoyances I have come across on a daily basis. That is one environment as well. Of all the environments in all the locations you find yourself in throughout your daily existence the rudeness will and does catch up to you to cause some serious stress. I swore I would never go back to that city. But as I stay here I realize that people are the same whereever you go it just varies in degrees and population count. It is a shame.
Read the following article and see if you agree or disagree.
Is it Just Me, or are People Getting Ruder?
Copyright 2005 Mary Eule
I’ve been wondering this for a while and have been dying to
ask my business colleagues and friends. But whenever I’m
get ready to pop the question, I manage to convince myself
that it’s silly, reveals my cynical nature (or advance
years!) and is probably just a figment of my jaded
imagination… certainly not worthy of intelligent discussion.
The question, however, continued to reside nervously on the
tip of my tongue, eager to fly out (particularly just after
leaving my apparently mute colleague a fourth voice mail
message). But it wasn’t until I read Keith Ferrazzi’s
masterful book, “Never Eat Alone” that I summoned the
courage to thunderously and openly inquire, “Are people,
particularly those in business, much ruder than they use to
be?”
And… “Have we become so numb to it that we actually expect
- and worst yet, accept it as normal and okay?”
I think yes. I hope I’m wrong.
Let me, however, step back a bit… Why did Ferrazzi’s book
serve as my catalyst?
The short answer is that it’s just plain good. It is a
brilliantly written book – simple without being simplistic
– in the same league as Dale Carnegie’s classic “How to Win
Friends and Influence People.” And in an age when everyone
seems to be a marketing, internet or personal motivation
coach it’s refreshing to read something so balanced and
genuinely inspired. Most importantly, however, Ferrazzi
reminds us that we’re not in this alone - people make
business happen!
He reiterates what some of us already know. We’re all
better off – emotionally, financially, and physically –
when we take the time to build thoughtful, intimate (not in
the “biblical” sense :>) and sincere relationships with
others. Ferrazzi says that while our personal styles and
levels of openness should be adjusted as appropriate,
making strong human connections is essential to our well
being. I couldn’t agree more! This is, after all, what it’s
all about – and long overdue advice. Thanks, Keith!
But then it occurred to me. How can you develop
relationships with people when they don’t call, email, or
show up – even when they’ve promised to do so?!
And I’m not referring about those little, unintentional
slip-ups that happen to all of us occasionally - like when
you’ve forgotten your Aunt Hilda’s birthday; or waited
until the last minute to send in your wedding RSVP; or
failed to send a thank-you note.
No, what I’m talking about is far more baffling and
egregious. I’m referring to the friends who call you one
day before your big dinner party and reiterate how much
they’re looking forward to seeing you - and then don’t
show up – no explanation, no call, no nothing.
Or how about that real estate agent who promises to get
back to you with a price no later than 2 pm, and you never
hear from them again?
And what about that old friend or colleague who can’t wait
to have lunch with you next Thursday and then doesn’t
return your confirmation calls or emails?
Then there’s my favorite… you’ve killed yourself to help
someone get something “urgent” done (usually a boss or
co-worker) and even managed to save the day… You email “the
document” before the deadline, sure that the recipient will
be relieved and grateful. But you never find out. No
“thank you”. No “way to go”. No nothing.
Or is it just me? Maybe so…
I was raised in a home where we were taught to treat
everyone with the same amount of respect and kindness.
Period. Behavior that didn’t measure up to this standard
was not tolerated. We learned that the true measure of
someone’s character rested in their commitment to do the
right thing - even when they didn’t have to.
For example, whenever I leave a hotel room, I wipe off the
counters; gather my towels together in one convenient spot;
turn off the television, lights and air conditioning;
return the iron to the closet; and make sure that all my
scraps of paper are where they belong – in the trash can.
Why? Because it’s just the right thing to do (and my
mother would probably rise up out of her grave and kick my
butt if I didn’t :>). Yes, hotels employ a cleaning staff
who “are paid” to clean up after me, but why should they?
It’s my mess. I was responsible for making it, so I am
responsible for cleaning it up – even if I don’t have to.
I have adopted my parents’ code and although I sometimes
fail, I continually strive to measure up to those standards.
But what does this look like in the “real world”? It means
you… 1. Return calls… even if it’s only to say “no”
2. Honor your commitments… if you tell someone you’re going
to do something, you do it. If you absolutely cannot, you
let them know beforehand.
3. When you’re asked to RSVP, you do so
4. Say “thank you” and “please”… to strangers, friends,
family members, waiters and waitresses, taxi drivers,
colleagues, children, teenagers… everyone.
5. Call when you’re going to be late
6. Return emails (unless it’s spam)
7. Welcome people into your home… do your best to make them
feel comfortable and important
8. Clean up after yourself
9. Value other people’s privacy
10. Honor your parents
11. Respect elders
12. Chew gum quietly
13. Say “excuse me” when you burp
14. Open doors for others
15. Allow someone with only two items to move ahead of you
in the grocery line
16. Respect other cultures, religions, ethnicities and the
like.
17. Don’t push in front of someone… even if you’re in a car
18. Share your things
19. Don’t act like a pig… even if it’s at an
All-You-Can-Eat buffet
20. Don’t brag
21. Never litter
Are these rules a thing of the past? Passé in today’s
fast-paced culture? Old fashioned? Silly? Or am I just
imagining things?
But if I’m not… why? Are we overloaded, overbooked and
over committed? Has it become too easy to make excuses?
Have we been forced into a “every-man-for-himself” mindset?
Did our parents and teachers fail us?
Or is it that we just don’t care because they’re not
important. What do you think?
----------------------------------------------------
Mary Eule specializes in helping small and medium-sized
businesses get and keep profitable customers. Formerly a
Fortune 500 marketing executive; founder of two successful
small businesses and award-winning speaker, Ms. Eule is
President of Strategic Marketing Advisors, LLC. and
co-author of a new book, "Mandatory Marketing: Small
Business Edition".
She has a BA in Journalism/English from the University of
Maryland and earned her a master’s degree in marketing from
Johns Hopkins University. Log onto her website:
http://www.StrategicMarketingAdvisors.com for free
articles, newsletter and helpful marketing tools, tips and
templates… and/or to purchase the book.
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